CyberTsunami

Book Review: Help, I'm a Frustrated Youth Worker

Case, Steve. Help, I’m a Frustrated Youth Worker! Grand Rapids: Zondervan. 2009 

Steve Case is the director of youth ministries for Windermere Union United Church of Christ, Windermere, FL. He is a frequent columnist for Youth Worker Journal.

This small book is an interesting combination of humor, confession, and help. Case has been known for his humorous columns in Youth Worker Journal. That humor carries over here. Sadly, much of the humor is sophomoric (note the title of the first chapter). Case also uses his own past as illustration of mistakes that youth ministers make and of toxic churches that minister can serve. One begins to wonder how much the past toxic churches have affected Case’s perception of youth ministry.

In the midst of all this, Case does provide a few gems of youth ministry wisdom. Chapters two and three on complaints and complaining are particularly noteworthy. On the other hand, some of the myths of youth ministry (chapter 10) reflect a view of youth ministry as the marginalized ministry that was prevalent decades ago. One hopes that most churches that actually have paid youth ministers have moved far beyond that.

The book is worth a quick read and maybe a review once a year or so as a “pick me up.” The basic outline is below.

1       There’s Always Somebody Willing to Pee in Your Froot Loops

Looking Out for Number One

A)    People who pee in your Froot Loops can’t see the ministry for the trees.

B)     Understanding is the key.

C)    You’ll find complainers no matter where you go.

D)    Don’t start to question yourself.

E)     Remember, God put you where you are.

2       Do You Know What Those @!*# Kids Have Done Now?

Dealing with Church Members’ Complaints

A)    Why Complain?

i)        Some people are born complainers.

ii)       Some people complain toe protect the status quo.

iii)     Some people complain because they are uninformed.

iv)     Some people complain because they feel bad about themselves.

v)      Sometimes there really is a problem worth complaining about.

B)     When It’s Your Turn to Respond

i)        God sent the critic.

ii)       Tag backs aren’t allowed.

(1)   Never respond immediately to an email.

(2)   Say, “Let me see if I’m hearing your right,” then repeat the complaint back to the person.

(3)   Promise a response.

iii)     Two magic words can work wonders: “however” and “therefore.”

iv)     Find the truth in the matter.

3       Oh, Yeah? Well, Same to You

When It’s Your Turn to Complain

A)    The Fine Art of Complaining

i)        Make sure you’re looking at the situation properly.

ii)       Inform your boss.

iii)     Be completely clear and honest about what’s making you unhappy.

iv)     Be completely clear and honest about what you want to happen as a result of your complaint.

v)      Complain to the right set of ears.

B)     How to Complain to a Parent

4       Exit: Stage Left

When It Really Is Time to Go

A)    Consider This

i)        Everyone has a limit.

ii)       It is a job.

iii)     You can have a heart for Jesus and still be fairly compensated.

iv)     They aren’t your kids.

B)     How Do You Know When It’s Time to Go?

i)        Pray…a lot.

ii)       Get advice.

iii)     Listen.

iv)     Don’t ask for advice if you’re not going to pay attention.

v)      Look before you leap.

vi)     You work according to God’s timing, not yours.

vii)   Don’t look back.

5       Getting Fired for the Glory of God

When Leaving Isn’t Your Idea

A)    Losing Your Job Is Not That Different from Losing a Loved One

i)        Denial: Why me, God?

ii)       Anger: Why aren’t you helping me?

iii)     Bargaining: I need a new ministry job, God. Now. Please.

iv)     Depression: Forget it. I’m outta here.

v)      Acceptance: I am Your servant.

6       Do Not Ride This Ride If You Have Back Trouble or a Heart Condition

When You Feel Like You’re Getting Too Old for This Stuff

This chapter just doesn’t outline well. Case talks about the myth of the midlife crisis, but just describes how one often happens. He tells a few funny stories about getting old, then he simply encourages youth workers not to give up just because they are getting older. He doesn’t address the reasons people think about leaving other than “I can’t keep up” or “it’s time.” The only real suggestion he makes it to get someone younger to mentor. This could have been a great chapter, but it’s not one of his best.

7       Religion and the Pomophobic Church

Or, Fear and Loathing in the Board Meeting

This chapter is simply about getting along with other people. The chapter refers to people in the church and from other traditions. The basic response is “try to get along.” Case provides a little help in understanding other people, but his main advice is to just take a deep breath and decide it the ground is worth dying for.

8       Carry My Rat

What? There’s Stress in Your Job?

This chapter doesn’t outline well, either. The phrase “carry my rat” comes from the image of items that cause stress are like rats that run around the office and home. When others try to unload their “rats” on someone, they add stress. Case does a decent job of describing ministerial stress in a like manner. He says that stress is normal in life and in ministry and that youth ministers just need to accept it and deal with it. Learning to say “no” also helps. He doesn’t provide much in the way of dealing with stress except to slow down and rest in and rely on Jesus. Yes, that will help, but he could have provided more. Then, that wouldn’t be keeping with the light hearted nature of the book.

9       Stuff Happens

What to Do When the Worst Thing That Can Happen…Does

A)    Start Here: You Have No Idea What You Are Doing

i)        Do not panic

ii)       If the student is in danger of any kind, respond immediately

iii)     Your students see you has someone who has answers.

iv)     Don’t case the wide blanket of “everything’s doing to be okay” over everything.

v)      If you’re dealing with a massive tragedy, expand the invitation.

vi)     You can’t for students to talk, unload, or spill their grief.

B)     Invite God

C)    God Is Not to Blame; God IS in Charge

D)    You Are Not Alone

10  Myth-Understanding

Some Lies and Truths about Youth Ministry

Myth	Truth
Youth ministry is about numbers.	Youth ministry occurs in small, quiet, one-on-one settings.
Youth ministry is about office hours.	You have to go where the teenagers are.
You can “fix my kid.”	You can’t fix a kid.
Students are servants of the church.	Students are servants of God.
Youth ministry is about helping youth become nice people	Youth ministry comes from the Greek for “messy noise.”
Youth should be present for all youth activities.	There’s no such thing as an inactive member.
Youth ministry is about giving the kids answers.	Anyone who says he has all the answers is either lying or selling something.
Mission trips are about serving others.	Mission trips are [also] about turning teens into disciples.
Youth ministry is a stepping stone to real ministry.	There is no higher calling than ministering to youth.

Case has presented some nice ideas here. Many youth workers do deal with a lot of these “myths.” At the same time, Case reveals a lot about his own mistakes and toxic situations of the past. A grounded youth minster knows that “office hours” of some sort gives credibility, stability, and connection for a youth ministry. And sometimes there just had to be rules. But, all in all, Case has presented some good arguments against some of the most common myths.

11  It’s Better to Burn Out Than to Fade Away

The Art of Winnowing

A)    The 18 Month Myth

i)        Case points out that this data has not empirical backing

ii)       The average paid youth minister (according to Group) has been at the same church for 3.9 years and in ministry for 4.2 years.

B)    Signs of Genuine Burnout

i)        No Vision

ii)       No Heart

iii)     No Prize in the Cereal Box (disappointment)

   

C)     Fixing the Hole

i)        Monitor your own spirituality.

(1)   You must carve out your own prayer time.

(2)   You must be part of church, not just a leader.

(3)   You must continue your education.

(4)   You must network.

(5)   You must take time off.

ii)       Remember that this is a calling.

iii)     Understand that youth ministry does not involve a method or formula. [Case maintains that while office work is necessary, it is not an office job.]

iv)     Remind yourself what your not in this business for.

(1)   Not to make money

(2)   Not to “fix” kids.

(3)   Not as a stepping stone to “real” ministry.

Book Review: Youth Ministry 3.0

Oestreicher, Mark. Youth Ministry 3.0: A Manifesto of Where We’ve Been, Where We Are, and Where We Need to Go.

Grand Rapids

: Zondervan. 2008.

 

Mark Oestreicher is the president of Youth Specialties.

 

Over the brief history of youth ministry, several people have attempted to trace the history, show where we missed it, and get us ready for the new iteration. My exposure to this was in Mark Senter’s Book The Coming Revolution in Youth Ministry. Oestreicher plainly states in the title that he believes he has the handle on the next, the third, iteration of youth ministry.

 

The brief introduction gets one at least partially interested because it recalls the days when youth ministry gurus actually endorsed the use of the hot seat (a stool with a mild electric shock) as an acceptable, fun apparatus for youth group meetings. Mark asks the question of was it really okay then? If so, why isn’t it okay now? If it wasn’t okay, why did so many thinking people (including parents) not rise up in arms against it? Perhaps it is a good metaphor for youth ministry and the uncertainty we face with what we are doing now.

 

The introduction also introduces a unique literary tool Mark uses. The margins of several pages are peppered with comments from youth workers. These have probably been gleaned from Youth Specialties events where Mark was formulating the basis for the book.

 

The first two chapters form a basis of Oestreicher’s view of youth ministry and its history. He draws greatly on a work by G. Stanley Hall, Adolescence: Its Psychology and Its Relations to Physiology, Anthropology, Sociology, Sex, Crime, and Religion (Appleton. 1904). He refers to Hall’s three key elements that were common to all adolescents: conflict with parents, mood disruptions, and risky behavior. In the endnote, the author states that this idea “was popular for a few decades, but then it fell out of style.” [129] He mentions that recent attention to it has been relegated to being a “blip” on the adolescent radar. I find this a little hard to accept. It seems to fall right in line with some of the recent findings in teenage brain development.

 

Then the author makes an unexpected turn. He returns to the idea of Hall’s three themes of adolescents, but this time they are different. He spends the remainder of the chapter discussing identity, autonomy, and affinity. While he spends several pages unpacking these themes, his point (seen only at the end of the chapter) is that early youth culture (and, by extension, youth ministry?) emphasized identity. Later youth culture emphasized autonomy. Now it is the time to address the area where he believes youth ministry has failed: affinity.

 

The next three chapters compare Youth Ministry 1.0, 2.0, and 3.0. Oestreicher traces a quick (and admittedly incomplete history of youth ministry. He really starts in the 1950s almost a decade after the rise of Youth for Christ and YoungLife, totally ignoring the Youth Movements of the late 1800s and pre World War II. Nor does he really deal with the local church aspects of youth ministry like 3rd

Baptist

Church

,

St. Louis

.

 

Oestreicher uses the Beatles to illustrate how youth culture came into it’s own in the 60s. In the early 60s the Beatles wore suits and had longer than usual, still short, hair. By the late 60s they had transformed into the “hippie” movement look. At this time church begin to high youth ministers in earnest. This was also the time of the birth for Youth Specialties. Since it is Oestreicher’s organization, he has some humorous insights into the creation in his endnotes.

 

Oestreicher does not hide his frustrations with the failing of 2.0. He blames it for the internalization of youth ministry, making it isolated, numbers driven, and too tied to cultural models. Though he does admit that it was in this kind of youth ministry that he grew up and it worked for him at the time.

 

The author almost “begs the question” as he describes what youth ministry 3.0 should be. He seems to suggest that 1) it is possible to know and understand a movement while one is in it, 2) that youth culture is a deeper and more mysterious thing than it was in the early years and 3) that affinity is a new principle. I’m not sure it ever had been. Just the affinities have changed and perhaps become smaller units, less based on geography and less hierarchical.

 

Yes, communion and mission seen to be taking a larger role in this general, but I’m not sure that we can yet call them the themes. Even if they are, programs certainly have sprung up to support them.

 

Here is his chart comparing the three iterations.

	Youth Ministry 1.0	Youth Ministry 2.0	Youth Ministry 3.0
Youth Culture Fixation	Identity	Autonomy	Affinity
Cultural Influence on Youth Minister	Language and Topics	Models and Success	Contextualization
Key Themes	Evangelism and Correction	Discipleship and Creating a Positive Peer Group	Communion and Mission
Driver	Proclamation	Programs	Not Driven, but Present
Theme Verse	Matthew 7:13-14 (the narrow and broad gates)	Matthew 28:19-20 (the Great Commission)	Acts 2:44-16 (the early church and the five purposes)

While Youth Ministry 1.0 may have helped youth culture establish identity, I’m not sure that Youth Ministry 2.0 helped establish autonomy. In fact, it may have done more to establish identity than 1.0 did. The main area where autonomy may have been an issue is in the buying power of the youth culture. It became the secret desire of every marketing plan (as it is still somewhat today).

 

Oestreicher at least attempts to make the book practical with the last chapter. He suggests three options to answer the question of how we get there. Alignment – the arrangement of the ministries, program, and staff around the same simple process.

1. Multiple Youth Ministries to Multiple Subcultures – this might be the easiest response and is easily visible in the life of churches with multiple ethnicities.
2. One Youth Ministry with a Bream of Supra-Culture, Kingdom of God Culture – Oestreicher seems to doubt that this might be possible, tending to migrate back to multiple groups. This might also be limited to the larger church.
3. Some Hybrid of the Two

• One group for some stuff, smaller subculture-specific groups for other stuff.
• One group most of the time, but with some specific, contextualized efforts to create space for the subcultures to which your ministry is called.

Oestreicher also suggests that these approaches mean that churches have to cut programs. This is a little of a straw man. Programs are not the problem. The problem is that churches hardly ever cut programs after they have run their course. In any iteration of youth ministry (or any ministry) programs need to be re-evaluated. This includes programs that don’t look like programs including mission trips, third space gatherings, and small groups.

Oestreicher ends the chapter with a warning against being “driven.” Driven, as he defines it is bad, but he doesn’t define it like Saddleback would. Again, he sets up a little of a straw man. His “driven” is more like George McDonald described King Saul in Ordering Your Private World.

 

The epilogue is more of a motivational tag at the end. Oestreicher gives his kudos to several youth workers he has met you illustrate the benefits and struggles of “getting” what he is saying.

For each of the youth ministry iterations, he provides a set of themes and drivers.

Book Review: Raising the Bar

Reid, Alvin. Raising the Bar.Grand Rapids: Kregel. 2004

BV4447.R42 2004       ISBN #-0-8254-3632-x

195 pages

 

Alvin Reid is the Bailey Smith Chair of Evangelism professor at Southeaster Baptist Theological Seminary, Wake Forrest, 

NC

This book was recommended to me a couple of years ago by Alan Jackson, a youth ministry professor at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (not the county music artist).

 

Admittedly, I read the book a full four years after it was published, so I might be a little harsh when I say that much of the book is already a little outdated or at least not new. Reid says little that hasn't been said several times already.

His general premise is that current youth ministry is too much fun and games and not concerned enough with the spiritual maturity of teens. I wholeheartedly agree. I am associated with about 2,000 churches in California and work directly is about two dozen youth ministries each year. I more often see ministries that set the bar too low.

 

Reid also makes a strong case for the formal education of youth ministers. He rightly says that many youth ministers learned youth ministry from other youth ministers who learned it from their youth ministers. In other words, youth ministers who don’t have formal training will tend to duplicate the youth ministry they grew up with. I would add that youth ministers who have a senior pastor who mentors them also get mentoring based on an older, outdated form of youth ministry that their senior pastor used when he was a youth minister in his early years.

 

Beyond these points, Reid tends to write all across the board. He shows a comprehensive understanding of the history of contemporary music and the youth movement in the contemporary church, but his discussion of it seems to be more of an exhibition of his diverse knowledge rather than a help to his major premise. Indeed, many of his chapters come across like talks he has given to parents, youth leaders, youth, Sunday School teachers, or the whole congregation during a DiscipleNow Weekend.

 

Indeed, Reid is quick to point out that he has spoken at many churches and youth camps. He actually comes across as a little enamored with Student Life and InQuest Ministries.

 

One other comment of note, when Reid touches on theology or social issues, his language clearly reflects the Southern Baptist party line. If he doesn’t travel in the same circles with the “movers and shakers” of the Southern Baptist main players, then he at least knows who influences his paycheck at the seminary.

 

So, do I recommend the book? Yes, especially if one is looking for help in encouraging an youth ministry to move from fun and games to spiritual formation. But, if one has much background in formal student ministry or has done much reading on the subject, it might be a waste of time. The book is a great secondary source for an introduction to student ministry class.

Book Review: Is God Calling Me?

As a student worker, I often have conversations with students about whether God may be calling them into the ministry. This is a nebulous, and therefore, difficult question. Jeff Iorg, president of Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary in Mill Valley, CA

tackles the question of God's call much like a conversation with a youth or young adult.

The two recurring themes in the idea of “call” according to Iorg is that it brings new information and new responsibility. He relates the various uses of the word “call” in the English language and shows how they mostly fit these themes. Iorg's his own definition of call is

a profound impression from God that establishes parameters for your life and can be altered only by a subsequent, superseding impression from God. [8]

The second chapter discusses three different kinds of call by God.

Universal Call to Service and Growth – God calls every believer to serve in the Kingdom and to grow as a disciple.

General Call to Ministry Leadership – Iorg does not like the term “vocational Christian service” as a bivocational call is equally valid. Nor does he like “full time Christian service” as all Christians are called to serve full-time. He prefers the term “ministry leadership.”

A Specific Call to a Ministry Assignment – Iorg begs the question a little here. He says that some may ask if ministry assignments are not just jobs like any other. He says “no,” but doesn’t say why. In short, this idea of call is simply like the call of a pastor to serve in a local church.

Chapter three lines out three ways that God calls someone: through sudden experiences (crisis), through reasoned decisions (contemplation), and through the prompting of others (community). Iorg illustrates each of these with examples of his own experience of calling.

Next, Iorg describes the kind of person God calls using examples from the lineage of Jesus in Matthew. God's call includes people who are unexpected, immoral, anonymous, and inconsistent. Of course this is not the checklist God uses to call people. Iorg simply is trying to expand the field of choices.

How one discerns God's call is difficult to define. Most called people say they "just know it." Iorg makes a brief attempt in chapter five. One can discern the call through inner peace, confirmation by others (particularly spiritual leaders and family members), effectiveness in ministry (not necessarily success in everything), and joy in the ministry (particularly when working with people).

In chapter six, Iorg states that a real call gives one confidence, perseverance, authority, and humility. Confidence comes from the fact that God is with one in the process and he would not choose someone who could not do the job. Perseverance comes because the call supersedes any adverse circumstances. Finally, God’s call leads to humility. The best line is “your ministry is a received ministry, not an achieved
ministry.” [83] (italics mine)

The last two chapters addresses to calls that Iorg believes stand out: missions and senior pastor. He doesn't really expand the understanding of the calls. He spends more time instilling a sense of importance, purpose, and seriousness in these to calls.

Summary Evaluation
Iorg has done a decent job of trying to clarify some of the nebulous aspects of God's calling. In the long run, he really doesn't help one do a better job of answering the question "Is God Calling Me?" I'm not sure anyone really can. Many times Iorg's arguments seem to be more experiential rather than Biblical. They aren't unBiblical, they just draw more from his own experiences rather than on chapter and verse. Still, he provides clarity on some issues of calling and provides the reader with a decent platform from which to begin evaluating the question, "Is God Calling Me?"

Maximum Impact Parenting

Since this is Fathers’ Day weekend, I want to give a little encouragement to parents from one of my favorite passages.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. ⁵ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. – Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Everyone probably knows verse 4-5. It’s called the Shema and it is the most holy passage in the Old Testament. Some Jewish communities read it as the first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Verses 6-9 are the verses that should really connect with parents.

Verse 6 – Put these commandments in your heart

There is an old saying in student ministry (and I am an old student minister).

 You cannot affirm what a parent denies.

We have always known that students seldom rise spiritually above the level of their parents. If the relationship with Jesus isn’t real to the parent, their children most likely won’t stick with it for their whole life. Sure there are lots of exceptions to this, but they are exceptions.

Two years ago, my wife and I attend a parenting conference by Richard Ross called Turning Hearts. Out of that conference, my wife decided to start having her own devotional time every morning in the kitchen. Not only has it changed her ministry and life, but now my children know that every morning they can find their mother meeting with God. They know how important it is to her and it does affect them positively.

If you are a student minister or volunteer, this means that you may help your students more by spending some time with their parents in helping them to mature spiritually and helping them to give spiritual input into the lives of their children. I don’t have a scientific study to back this up, but I have heard that four minutes that a student spends with parents is worth an hour with their youth minister.

Verse 7 – Four Times to Connect with Your Kids

It’s interesting to me that God says to teach your children, not teach your congregation, or community, or youth group. This is addressed to parents.

Now this is the part of the verse that really impresses me. First, you need to know that the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health conducted in 1994 throughb2002 made an amazing finding.

The #1 thing that keeps kids out of at risk behavior is a strong emotional connection (a heart connection) with their parents.

They also discovered that there are four times of the day when parents have a window to maximize their emotional connection. These times map perfectly to verse 7.

Dinner Time – when you sit at home

In the Old Testament, dinner was designated as a time to talk about the Lord and for families to bond together. Even network TV has recognized the importance of the family table. Commercials suggest that families should eat dinner together at least four times a week. Sadly, most families aren’t doing this any more. Are your families eating dinner together at least 4 nights a week? If not, you need to be encouraging this with parents and even facilitating it.

This is something that has always been important to my family. Unfortunately, church has been one of the biggest hindrances to our family dinner time. Nights when the youth group has an activity have been tough nights to eat dinner together. I have questioned whether the time spent at the church as been worth the time lost with my own teens.

After School – when you walk along the road

God is telling parents to talk about the Lord and His commandments throughout the day. Today, after school is the first time that parents can relate to their students after they have walked along the road. In my own family we quickly learned that the parent who picks up the kids at school is the one who gets to hear all about the day. It really is a prime time for parents to listen to and understand their children.

Unfortunately, we still live in a latch-key kid society. So many parents work late hours. Here in California, many families must have dual incomes to be able to afford a house. I’m not sure if the increase standard of living is worth the spiritual toll it can take on children.

Again, in my family, we tried to work around this. When my children were young, my wife did not work outside the home. Yes, it was tough, both financially and socially. There were some dark times. Even now, with teenagers in the house, my wife works only part time.

My oldest child starts college this year. If he were not going to college in town, I’m not sure that we could have afforded it, but I am willing to say to my children, “Having a parent more available to you as you were growing up is worth far more than you being able to attend the expensive college out of town.”

If you think that is drastic, you should know that I have advised two income families to move to a cheaper town if that is the only way that the parents can cut back on work enough to be with their kids after school.

Bed Time – when you lie down

My kids always want to talk at bedtime? I used to see that as just a ploy to stay up. Shouldn’t we see it as a blessing? Take time to listen to them then. Have family devotions together before bedtime. Help drive the conversation to the things of the Lord.

We have always tried to have family devotions. Sometimes it has been just a quick prayer time together. Fortunately there are several resources available to help. Josh McDowell and LifeWay Christian Resources have free family devotion ideas online. My family has also tried a family Bible reading time where we just read our Bibles for 10 minutes and talk about what we read. Sometimes these discussions ran for an hour. When our church went through The Purpose Driven Life, we had our children read the book with us daily and discussed it together. We have also prayed for missionaries and the persecuted church. On Saturday night, we always pray for our local church staff and ministries. We have even let the kids lead.

When They Get Up – when you get up

Think about a typical school morning. Does it honor the Lord or is there a lot of yelling, rushing, and complaining? I have a friend who wakes up his 17 year old son by just holding him and blessing him. How would it change your students if their mornings started with a strong family connection and their parents prayed for them and their day? I travel a lot in my job as a church health consultant, yet I will drive home at 2 a.m. if I can just so I can be there with my family in the morning. I don’t want to miss that connection.

Next: Three Places that Parents Should Cherish God’s Word.

Tsunami Student Conference Update

Plans are fully underway for the 2008 Tsunami Student Conference in San Jose on December 29-31. Here are the quick update details.

Theme: More Than Enough
Theme Verse: Philippians 4:11 -- I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. (HCSB)
Focus: to help students find their contentment and meaning in Christ above all else. He is More Than Enough.

M.C. -- Bob Smiley -- we had such a fantastic response from Bob last year that we invited him back for another round as the M.C. and comedian. Check him out at www.bobsmiley.com.

Main Speaker -- Chris Simning -- you won't believe this guy's testimony. 

Born with a nearly imperceptible case of cerebral palsy, Chris Simning was stricken with an extremely rare muscle and nerve disease in the eighth grade. Four years confined to a wheelchair, and unable to care for himself, Chris experienced a miraculous healing that allowed him to finish his undergraduate degree from college as well as earn a Master’s degree from in Clinical Psychology. After many summers of service in Christian camping, Chris has accepted the call to speak full-time. His passion for telling his story ignites him further to speak on how God brings healing to the wounded of heart even in the worst circumstances. Chris’ first hand experience with the pain of life compels him to seek the provision of God. His zeal for the Bible, and his humorous personality, endear him to people of all ages.

We are still in negotiations for other speakers and bands. The web site will be up and running as www.studentwave.com as soon as logo development is finished.

Making Sunday School/Small Groups Family Friendly

Yesterday's post ended with the question, "how can a church turn something as large as Sunday School into a family friendly environment?" Here are my first three suggestion.

Age Grade Sunday School According to Kids’ Ages

Parents naturally tend to gather with people who have children the same age as theirs rather than with people their own age. Since many churches don’t really enforce age graded classes anyway (how many 40s classes are full of 50+ aged people?), age grading by kid’s ages is much more organic. By stating that a class is organized in this way, the leaders have the freedom to make applications to the lesson that help parents communicate faith to their kids. Leaders can also adjust schedules of fellowships, outreach events, or ministry projects to fit the unique schedules of families with children or teens. This also solves the tension of fellowships that are either “with or without kids.” This arrangement also allows for greater peer accountability for parents to be their kid’s primary discipler.

Consider Multi-generational Classes

Some churches have even offered an option for multi-generational classes. Some have run the full spectrum from preschoolers through senior adults. At this time there is not a major publisher that offers curriculum for this arrangement, so churches must create their own curriculum, which often creates other problems, so use this suggestion with care. However, with the right leader, this does have the potential to be a meaningful experience for many families.

Provide Intergenerational Experiences

If the suggestion above is too radical, consider simply providing intergenerational experiences. These could include fellowships, short-term classes, service projects, even mission trips. Students usually take mission trips with the “youth group.” This is reinforced by the myriad youth mission trip providers. Most of the work students do could easily be done by adults (with a little prodding). Local ministry projects are even more easily done with intergenerational groups.

For churches that provide separate worship services for students, this is even a more pressing issue. Without these kinds of experiences, students never get to share the Christian life with their parents at church. Students need to see their parents worshipping. They need to be able to express their devotion with their parents. Because students usually don’t interact with adults, other than youth group leaders who are often in their early twenties, they don’t learn how to be adults in the church. This could be a contributing factor to the high church drop-out rate after high school graduation.

Making Sunday School Family Friendly

Someone once said, “The temperature of our churches is set by the thermostats of our homes.” Yet few churches have a strategy for strengthening families. Surprisingly, many churches do not even think through how existing programs might hurt families instead of help them. One of the most common activities, Sunday School, usually separates families. Visit almost any church and ask a leader which way people go for Sunday School and the adults, children, students, and preschoolers we all go in different directions. Churches using home groups or other offsite groups are often in a worse situation. Parents go to their small group on one night while students go to theirs on another. The result is that families are separated for a long time on twice as many occasions. Yet, with a few simple changes Sunday School and small groups can become an asset to healthy families and therefore, to healthy churches.

The Problem

Student ministry is only about sixty years old, yet over the years, churches have helped create a culture in which parents have abdicated the role of spiritual development of their kids to the church. Richard Ross, the founder of the True Love Waits movement, says that if one asks the typical Christian parent if they teach their student algebra, they will respond, “No, I pay taxes and with those taxes the government builds schools and hires professionals to do that job better than I could.” In a similar fashion, if asked if they teach their student faith, they will respond, “No, I pay tithes and with those tithes the church builds super-cool youth rooms and hires professionals to do that better than I could.” George Barna puts it this way: "Unfortunately, no matter how hard a church tries, it is incapable of bringing a child to complete spiritual maturity: that is the job of the family.” [Click here to link to the quote.] He also says, “Teenagers rarely embrace Christianity if their family has treated faith as a Sunday morning experience … the family … must have worship experiences, pray together about significant personal needs, study the meaning of Scriptures together, and serve others.” [Real Teens. p. 149, see link in sidebar]

A recent comprehensive study by the University of North Carolina also confirms that “teenagers seldom vary very far from the religious beliefs of their parents. Only 11% say their religious beliefs are very different from their father’s and only 6% say their beliefs are very different from their mother’s.” [Christian Smith, Soul Searching, Oxford University Press, 2005, p. 35] Multiple studies have reached the conclusion that parents are at least twice as effective in leading students to faith in Christ as even the church is.

So, how can a church turn something as large as Sunday School into a family friendly environment?

More later....

Pastors' Kids' Retreat

I know, it has been an insanely long time since I posted anything. Once you get behind, it just gets easier to forget about it. I had hoped that I would have gotten better about this AND learned how to use the tools better. Anyway, on to the recent news.

Right now I am at Jenness Park, the campground my office owns. It is located in the Sierra Nevada just east of Sonora. Today is a glorious day here. It is warm, sunny, and peaceful.

The reason I am here is for a retreat for teenagers who have a parent in vocational ministry. We have 28 students whose parents are senior pastors, directors of missions, denominational workers, worship ministers, or other associates. Even the staff are PKs. In fact, I'm the only one here for the retreat who isn't a PK. That's why I'm sitting in the cafeteria, looking out over the beautiful meadow, while the students are playing paintball, hiking, playing disc golf, or just relaxing. It's an easy weekend for me. Which brings me to the purpose of this post.

This is the 11th year I have hosted a PK Retreat and every year it has been the most well behaved, pleasant, amazing group of teenagers I have seen. All the "conventional wisdom" about pastors' kids being either so good that they don't live in the real world or the troubled reprobates of the church is total nonsense. These students are GREAT! Every year I love talking with them and learning about their journey.

Sure, they have things that they don't like about their dad's (or mom's) job, but they know there are advantages, too. Many of them are going on mission trips, starting reputable jobs or colleges. What's even more important is that they really like and respect each other here. Any church (or parent) should be proud to have students like these in their congregation or families.

Oh, one other reason, I'm staying away from most of the action here. My teenagers, Ryan and Rachel are here at the retreat, too. I guess you could say "I'm not just the PK Retreat administrator; I'm also a client."

Dealing with Homosexual Students

I received a call from a pastor this week who got some information about a junior high student in the church who may be involved in a homosexual lifestyle. Here's the summary.

A young adult who volunteers on youth staff was talking with Girl A who said she was worried about Girl B because she has a girlfriend. The volunteer asked if it is a lesbian relationship and Girl A said "yes." The volunteer told the pastor who wants to know what to do next. Girl B's parents are church members.

I want to know what you think?
    How do you handle possible homosexual activity in the youth group?
    Have you ever dealt with it?

I understand that calling another student a lesbian is common in junior high. My friend, Richard Ross, who founded the True Love Waits movement, once told me that junior high girls will "eat their own to survive in school." Again, what do you think?
    Do you think the relationship really is sexual or is it a junior high name calling situation?

If you want to respond privately, you can email me at dwatts@csbc.com; otherwise, you can just post at comment.